Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
