oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
so much tequila, so little girl.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
