I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
