You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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