Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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