I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
