I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I need water and some morals
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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