My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
