dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
