Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
