You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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