We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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