i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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