I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
