Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
