you guys were way drunker than both of me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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