Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
