this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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