I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
