just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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