life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
