I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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