this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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