PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
