I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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