I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
