Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
