So drunk its hurt
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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