I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
