He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
