My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
