Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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