I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
