I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
