remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
