the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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