Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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