There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
