**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
