almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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