I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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