Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
