Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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