Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
