remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
