dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I love having hate sex.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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