I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
