btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
