physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
