So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize