you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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