he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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