If i come over, it means nothing
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
