I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My cat gives me a boner
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
