Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
