There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
