I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
