flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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