dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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