fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
