I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
