Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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