why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
