Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
