How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
