I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
