He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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