Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
