actually, I'm a sock model
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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