I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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