God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
