I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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