Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Boobs speak an international language.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
