Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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