I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
