Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
