we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
