Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
