You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
