i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
