I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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