We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
