My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize