everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
