i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
