i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
