You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
