I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize