he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
