I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Randomize
