So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is classic penis vs brain.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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