His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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