I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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