I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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