WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
