apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
only if we run a train.
done.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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