I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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