I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
