everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
