She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
