Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
