So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
