I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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