i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize