CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just want nice things and good sex
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
