if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
