so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
