last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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