based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
