Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
